I Wouldn’t Want To Wake Up With A Doughnut In Each Ear – Steve Lodge [Fiction]

I Wouldn’t Want To Wake Up With A Doughnut In Each Ear

The lead singer of Silent Monkey Warriors lurched to the front of the stage. This was Mickey Gently, loving the anticipation of the audience before one of his surprise announcements. It was a noisy crowd, naturally, but when he reached the mic and everyone saw the rest of the band were chatting, drinking, practicing riffs and generally disinterested in what was happening, the crowd hushed a bit.
“Warriors,” Mickey shouted, “we are honoured tonight to have the famous celebrity, Mr Sherlock Holmes, playing with us on violin. Oh yes.”
“Now, I know what you are thinking. How does a fiddler fit in to our heavy metal band, since you probably won’t be able to hear him over our crucial noise? Mmm. Good point. Also, it is unlikely that you will be able to see him either, since he has been working on an invisibility serum which, frankly, seems to have worked. Thirdly, the other integral part of the equation – the violin – was, I’m afraid, stolen last night by, police think, the same gang of seven, that have blighted him in the past.”
There is hush now. Mickey milks the quiet for a while and then continues.
“Hang on, hang on, I hear you say. If we can’t hear him or see him, how do we know he’s there at all and Mickey’s not telling us one of his big fat porkie pies?”
Mickey flicks his long hair out of his face.
“Well, my answer is that, since this geezer was a pigment of someone’s imagination in the first place, I am surprised the line of questioning has even got this far. Now, if I’ve got your attention, tell me this. Seamist Bay!! Are you ready to rock?? I can’t hear you. I said come on, Seamist Bay….let’s make some noise…” And then he fell over.

 

by Steve Lodge

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